According to Philip Hammond, we don’t exist.. that is a massive relief.  I thought I was going crazy for a minute.  Like finally being diagnosed with an incurable brain disease, yesterday, our own Chancellor of the Exchequer, Philip Hammond MP gently, but firmly confirmed that shorthand typists, senior secretarial staff who are currently working away, supporting and helping others to excel in their careers, do not exist

It is official.  It was not all in my head.

Our invisibility cloaks are so good, are so perfectly cut that no matter how experienced, dare I say, creative we are in our work, bulging with good ideas or open we are in our ambition to progress, we have simply ceased to be in the eyes of the Establishment.

You can forget those dreams of a secondment.  It is time to embrace change.  Our ‘careers’ are now so enshrined in low status (absolute zero) that the pointlessness of our podules have taken on even more excellence.

Hunched over our keyboards, we have been sprayed by Mr Hammond with a good dose of Vita-Wonk and are now a desiccated husks of total irrelevance.

Accordingly, Gen X secs, put your feet up on your imaginary desk, drink gin from your very real bottle and get the party going.  No need to be quiet – no need to type anything at all or take any minutes in that rather good shorthand that everybody finds so useful – because nobody is going to notice.


PA and Vice-Chancellor’s Fool, University of Admin




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